The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
