sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
