Define "chronic" masturbator.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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