that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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