My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's blow job season.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
