I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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