On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
