Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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