The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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