i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
