Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
