White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
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