there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
