Jerry, you need to find god
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I would fuck him just for his dog
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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