The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
