I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
