Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
