Swine flu. Run for my life!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
