sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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