Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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