Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
