i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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