I bet he comes in French.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
