Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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