Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
