I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
