I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
