she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
