WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
