I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
