i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
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