i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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