my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
