just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
