Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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