Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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