i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
