3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
