Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
