Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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