From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
