Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
