I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize