You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
