Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
