My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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