She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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