I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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