Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
