i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
