omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
